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Dear Care and Nutrition,
I have two children – ‘Orel’ aged 9 and ‘Claire’ aged 4. We have a yard, some trees in that yard, and some squirrels that live in the trees. Over the past year or so Orel has made it his project to befriend the squirrels.
He will feed them and even though they are not really tame, they will run to him when they don’t let anyone else get within 10 feet before running away. Sometimes a squirrel will even land briefly on his shoulder. Claire is upset that the squirrels “are Eagle’s” and he won’t “share” them. It infuriates her that they are running away from her. Orel had actually tried to teach her his methods of befriending them. He tried to get her to start from the beginning by tossing them some nuts and then she ate others herself at the same time as the squirrels ate theirs. But give Claire a handful of nuts and she’ll start eating them all – I mean she is 4. Orel then gets frustrated with her for not being able to follow directions, and they both run towards me, each claiming the other is dumb.
I’m not sure how to handle things at this point. I can’t get the squirrels to like her, and she doesn’t seem to really understand what Orel does to make them like him, or at least not well enough to refuse the instant gratification of a snack when it’s offered to her. I tried to explain why she had to give some of the nuts to the squirrels and she said she gets them but then eats them as soon as they are in her hands. I think her own squirrel taming days are still in the future, but I want the two of them to get along until she figures this out. Right now we have this big squirrel-shaped problem between them. How do I make things calm down?
— Squirrel situation
Dear Situation,
I hope you know that not every situation between siblings can or should be resolved by their parents. What i can do: Tell Orel that his sister is too young to understand his methods and that there’s no point in trying until she’s older (but thank him for trying – this is wonderful big brother behavior). Tell Claire that the squirrels aren’t “his” and therefore he can’t decide to share them or not – they’re living creatures in the wild who, amazingly, come to him because he’s slowly trained them, and it requires skills she doesn’t have yet (you can mention other things she’s not old enough to do, and things she couldn’t do before that she now is old enough to drive). Then step back from the argument. If the kids still run to you and cry that the other is “dumb,” tell them that’s not the right word and ask them to be more specific: stubborn? selfish? annoying? (only because I can never resist a language lesson myself), then let them know it’s up to them to solve their problem. (And maybe try to invite friends of the same age to play with each of them. A game between a 9-year-old and a 4-year-old is bound to be fulfilled.)
“Michelle.”
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