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Dear Care and Nutrition,
I am an educator who left for the summer. My neighbor’s kids who are close to my age (9 and 10) knock on my door every morning around 9am.
I’m not a morning person and I want to enjoy my sleep time. My children know this about their mother, and they too sometimes sleep, but even if they are awake, they are certainly not ready for company yet. The kids knock on my door all day long. Often they haven’t eaten at home and are hesitant to leave when I make a meal for my kids or just want them to go home. Their mother works at night and sleeps during the day, so she may not even be fully aware of her children’s behavior/routine. How do I politely set boundaries without sounding rude or selfish?
“Home for the summer.”
dear home,
You can politely set a boundary with the kids by making it clear to them – and maybe also putting a sign on the door that says – no knocking on your door before… well, whatever time you specify. Tell them that just as they know not to wake their mother, you don’t want to be woken up from sleep either. And say please.
But other than that, what worries me is that you have two young children living next door to you who are not fed or taken care of all day. And that your (seemingly) only concern is that they don’t lie to you about food or attention. Do your kids love to play with them? (For my daughter, at that age, having neighborhood friends her own age was a godsend: they could play whenever they wanted without having to rely on parents to arrange play dates. If those neighborhood kids were always those , which she would go to was not necessarily, but they were her friends, almost always available, and children like to have friends.) If your children want to play with them. the neighborhood kids, would it kill you to be nice and generous to them?
Now if your children i feel busy it would be different. So talk to your kids about this before you do more than put up a Do Not Disturb Until Lunch sign. And by “all about it” I mean it both setting more boundaries as requested by your kids and letting those hungry kids stay for dinner or a snack. And think about what you said about them being hesitant to come home when you “just want them to go.” That sounds heartless to me. They are children. All day they are left to their own devices. Is it your responsibility to take care of them? No. But will it be kind – will it be good— if you allowed them to enjoy your hospitality (again, if your kids are happy with the status quo)? I probably would. And it is always better to do good than not to do it.
— Michelle
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