The woman behind a controversial Facebook page for women to discuss the men they date has said it’s a “good group” and a necessity.
Are We Dating The Same Guy Aberdeen/Shire is a private group on the social media platform that has 6,840 members.
The group says it’s “for women who are dating or in an exclusive relationship who have doubts or concerns about their partners’ fidelity.”
Speaking exclusively to The P&J, one of the groups’ administrators, who goes by the name ‘Steph’ to protect her identity, only took on her role around two months ago.
The founder had to withdraw due to threats from men
The previous admin team, including its original founder, stepped down from their roles due to receiving “threats” from men.
“People were coming to their addresses and threatening their children,” said Steph, who added that it was “quite right” that they quit their roles because of it.
“I had messaged the woman who did it and said, ‘look, I’ll be happy to take over and use a recording account.’
Steph said she “still gets threats” but believes she is protecting herself and her children by staying anonymous and using a fake name and Facebook account.
The first-of-its-kind group was set up in New York in March 2022 and the mum believes it has been ‘very helpful’ to people who meet, adding: ‘I’m single myself so I know how awful it can be, it’s like walking into a pool of sharks.
“I’m ready to listen to men”
“I feel like people just have a right to know what they’re getting into, especially with other people’s experiences.”
However, while there are positives, Steph admits that the band has its negatives and flaws.
She says administrators try to “filter as much as they can.”
“Obviously there are a lot of women who will post things that aren’t quite true and try to do that to cause trouble and affect people, and there’s a very fine line that we try not to cross.”
“I have spoken to many men on private messages and helped them. I am willing to listen, but I also have to remain very neutral.
She adds: “If there’s obvious evidence that it’s an ex-partner or people who aren’t exactly telling the truth and there’s stuff to back it up, I’m happy to remove posts.
“There are women who have been caught doing it just to cause harm and tear families apart.
“I do not have time for this.
“They will be removed and banned from the group.”
Steph says she “sympathizes to a degree” with the men who post on the page and “understands it’s not nice.”
“But if there is any truth behind the allegations, you have to take that on board and realize that you are the problem.
“So maybe it’s time to check this behavior.”
Men are not allowed to join the group
Critics of Are We Dating The Same Guy Aberdeen/Shire say the group is “sexist” and helps destroy the reputations of the men it posts about, although Steph doesn’t believe that’s the case.
“Our entire team will review the comments and filter them.
If there is nothing untoward, or if there is no evidence to suggest otherwise that he has done such things, I will gladly remove the posts.
Steph also believes that “whether they are women or men, they should be allowed to share opinions freely.
“At the end of the day, everyone’s reality and truths are completely different,” she said, adding that men are not allowed to join the page as a “very fine line of safety” because some of the people who post about men are victims of domestic violence from them.
Steph “understands to some extent” the argument that men should be allowed in to protect themselves.
She says she is “100%” in favor of the male equivalent of Are we dating the same girl Aberdeen/Aberdeenshire.
“I think it’s a great thing for everyone in the dating world, it’s perfect for everyone.”
“I don’t really only allow single women because partners cheat, people are unfaithful, so I think it’s totally fine.”
Dating Horror Stories
In fact, Steph reveals that “quite a few” members have caught their partners through it.
And why does she continue to run this page despite the fear of a threat? “People are very good at hiding who they really are and today’s world is very dangerous.
Dating has always been scary, but I think it’s kind of heightened now, especially for women. Now I don’t feel comfortable going out on dates and going on Tinder because it’s all horror stories.”
One thing she won’t accept is children being threatened, something she says is “just not on.”
Are you a male who is included in the group? Get in touch to have your say livenews@ajl.co.uk
